Patches and self doubt

OK. I have ordered my first custom patches. I am super nervous, full of self doubt. Let's face it, nothing I ever did met much success. I am on the point of giving up all together. It's too hot, I am too lonely and just generally very unhappy with my current life with next to zero social interaction.
Warning, going into very personal stuff now...you don't have to read if that makes you uncomfortable.(writing it mostly for myself)

My family has never been very supportive of anything I chose to do. The pressure was terribly (still is) overwhelming at time. I got stuck in a life I didn't want just out of sheer guilt...how could I dare to want things for myself...selfish girl! How did I dare to go out with friends (let alone boyfriends)? How did I dare to go away alone (L.A. seemed like about far enough to get away, it was not)? How did I dare to have a life?
Unfortunately guilt always brought me back, cut me out from friends...guilt is still holding me and most of those people have been dead for over 10 years...And now I cannot get out of this way of thinking that I actually don't deserve anything. I don't deserve friends, I don't deserve a job I like, I don't deserve a boyfriend, I don't deserve anything that makes me happy really because I am selfish.
And even though I now know the problem is not and never was me, my lizard brain doesn't want to know anything and keeps me in my old non-working unhappy ways.

I should get the patches in a month or so. They'll be sold in my DinaFragola shop.

New project

I have been half-heartingly working on a new project. No need to keep it a secret as pretty much no one cares  nor wants to steal my ideas LOL
I was super excited when I first came up with the idea, needed a new graphic tablet (got a Wacom, who would have thought I'd get a Wacom one day...certainly not me).  I installed the softwares I need...and nothing...
I want to make patches. Been searching for a suitable company  but nothing I am happy with so far.  So if you know of a company that  makes custom patches (and maybe enameled pins), let me know. Preferably in Europe, and not the in UK.

Frank ignoring me

Summer reading list

Summer. Bored. No plan. Too hot for my currently slow brain. Not in a good place.
So hiding away in books.
Lots of vintage UFO books here, probably the weirdest of my interests. Won't detail the books as I don't think too  many people are interested ;)

Not read yet:
Cartes Postales from Greece by Victoria Hislop. I admit I bought it because the side of the book is aegean blue (can't see it here) and has pictures inside.
The Savage Altar by Asa Larsson. Bought it because it's called Boreal Horror in French. I do hope there's some horror in there...
The Farm at the edge of the world by Sarah Vaughan. Bought it because that's currently where I'd like to be.

Partly read:
Yeah, I have the habit of starting several books at a time.
The 37th Parallel by Ben Mezrich (e-book). Don't think I'll finish that one though it's kind of short. It's based on a real story of a guy investigating cattle mutilation. Sounded intriguing. It's not.
Hawksmoor by Peter Ackroyd (e-book). Too complicated and convoluted for me. 2 intertwined stories, one set in the 18th century one in 80's London. I gave up after 2 chapters. Might try again if I find a French translation.

Read:
Kotori by Yoko Ogawa. Loved it. Ogawa is one of my favorite writers. This one didn't disappoint. The Japanese word "kotori" has a double  meaning, it's either "little bird" or "kid snatcher". But nothing horrible happens here, it's a soft, nostalgic and a little sad story of 2 brothers, one of whom loves birds and can only speak in bird language.
Fuku Fuku stories by Konami Kanata. A manga about a cat named Fuku Fuku (oddly re-named Choubi Choubi in French). I am not that crazy about manga in general but those by Konami Kanata are really neat. Her most famous work is Chi's sweet home (also a cat). Very kawaii

NB: The glasses are actually a photo prop as I can't read with them on ;)

Day Job, part 7 - in the office

Random photo of a work space with a cat

We never heard again  about the middle of the night alarm incident. But sure enough when we went back to the shop everything had been moved around and things were missing.

Some days, when you were really unlucky the boss would ask for help in her office.
You'd just have to file some papers, plastify some sheets...but mainly you'd do nothing at all...you'd just wait there. Not that she was working much either.
Let me tell you about my first afternoon there...I had to file about 20 sheets of paper, which took me about 5 minutes...and I took my time. That's all I did. From 1.30 to 4.30. Meanwhile, my boss made several doc appointments, called some friends, made some online personal payments...that's about it. But, "that was a great work day!I did so much!"
And you should have heard her, how she was compeletely overhelmed by the amount of work she had to do. Worst part, I think she was absolutely convinced she was overwhelmed. But she also knew she was not working much as she would pretend to work when someone else would enter her office.
An when she was actually doing something , it was so slow and so unefficient.  It usually took a whole afternoon to place ONE order...and every single time, she'd close the page without saving and we would have to start over.
My last full day there, we had to check 2 bills we had gotten for the same orders...so we had to compare the 2 lists. I just wanted to do it, quickly, by myself. But nope, I had a sheet, she had the  other...after half an hour (and not much progress) she decided she needed her glasses she had forgotten at home. So she left, just like that...she disappeared for 40 minutes and came back without any glasses.
Thankfully I had my phone.
She had very limited computer skills...her computer would take over 10 minutes to open in the mornin as she never closed any programs. And it was a mess. She never quite understood what a network was either, so she kept "losing"  files. Seriously at first I thought she was joking when she was making stupid things on her computer.
The look on her face when I once told her to "click right and scroll down"...like I was suddenly speaking Chinese. And that time she thought "customer helpdesk" was a person's name...
I quickly learned to never volunteer any help...but sometimes I would just burst out  out of frustration.
And the bizarre things she'd ask for her Excel files...making it obvious she never had any training.
Yet, pretty much everyone seems completely oblivious of what she was really like...she was always being so nice and helpful...
And you know what the scary part is (yes, because there is a scary part)? She was the one in charge of workers safety. She was the one who had to be up-to-date with emergency procedures.
So there was nifty signs all over then place, exit signs, fire alarm signs...But on the other hand, we had only one set of keys for the shop. There were bars on every window in the shop and only 3 doors, the 2 back doors had to be locked all the time, the front one could only stay unlocked during the shop opening hours. 3 locked doors, one set of keys...with 4 people working there we spent half of our time looking for those damned keys...imagine in case of fire...I brought up the problem, no answer...as usual.
Normal from someone who could not understand that a product we received frozen with the mention "has previously been frozen, cannot be frozen again" is a MAJOR health hazard. That was the last fight I had with her, I had to insist and insist (though I was, I didn't know yet,  in the middle of a major infection and battling high fever) for her to call the company who had sent those frozen products to us. And you know, though I was obviously unwell, she had me wait 45 minutes before she called. In retrospect I should have just left...after all, not my problem, not my responsability. But I stayed. She was instructed to destroy the products right away.

Read           part 1 here                    part 2 here                    part 3 here                    part  4 here                    part 5 here                    part 6 here

I could go on and on about that...but this will be the last installment. It didn't leave me in a good place and the dramatic ending didn't help...

An unusual visitor

My cousin and her family came for a visit...this is Bailey's the dog. She is an adorable basset hound.

Helping  with office work

Being cute in the garden

Playing with the plush hedgehog

Helping in the workroom

She pretty much inspected every single square centimeters of the house

 The cats were less than impressed :D
 You can see more photos of Baileys in this post